Thursday, September 13, 2012

Required Reading

After our discussion this week about dating (or not), I wanted to share a few links that my friend Courtney shared with me.  I’ve been trying to unpack my feelings about dating, creepy men, and how to navigate that tricky just-getting-to-know-you stage of a new friendship, and Courtney, with her wise words, taught me that:

1)  yes, there really are creepy men out there, and

2)  I’m entitled to my feelings.  If I think someone is creepy, then that’s good enough.  For me.  I don’t have to be nice to them, or be friends with them, or tolerate their creepy behavior.  I’m still not brave enough to call men out on their creepy behavior, but I might get there, some day.

The following pieces are really fantastic—excellent reading for anyone who is dating or thinking about dating.  Men should read them, too, so they can ask themselves if they are perhaps scaring or upsetting the women they are trying to date.  I suspect I am not alone when I confess that if a man’s behavior is creepy, I am far more likely to avoid him than (god forbid) tell him that he’s being creepy.  Maybe that’s unfair, but women are socialized to be nice and not upset anyone, and that socialization runs deep in my veins.  It takes an enormous amount of courage for me to have uncomfortable conversations with people I love.  With people I don’t love (and don’t encounter regularly at work and whatnot), it’s just easier to avoid them.  So men, read these pieces!

Okay, onto the links!

* Schroedinger’s Rapist: Or a Guy’s Guide to Approaching Strange Women Without Being Maced

* Captain Awkward #322 and #323: “My friend group has a case of the Creepy Dude.  How can we clear that up?”

Carry on, friends.

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